Resolution

A calmness has settled into me. I said what I wanted to say to the boss lady. Many realizations. Lots of feelings; especially sadness; perhaps sorrow. However, I see clearly now: this is the way it is. I accept what is. Therefore, instead of feeling disempowered, a quiet neutrality and calmness has taken over. I recognize I am not my feelings or emotions --- I watch them; they stay for some time; they dissipate. New feelings come in. I feel quiet in the moment.

a better day

More conscious, more aware ... levity entering in ... comparing and contrasting where I get triggered at home with triggers at work is helpful ... taking myself oh, so much more lightly today ... today at work, the trigger and reaction lasted less than a minute ... I noticed tight, shallow breathing .... I breathed out and in long billowy breaths ... mind returned to calm and balance ... much better.

Thursday

I can see that using humor as a vibeswitch definitely needs some focus and creativity for me ... I'm looking for fun and funny films and/or clips ... I'm breathing deeply ...  women's book club this morning ... ah, soooo soothing and affirming ... also, my husband told me in the most loving way 2 nights ago that I was doing "victim" around my work situation. That was extremely helpful ... I don't like doing victim, and I'm realizing it's just a coverup for feeling the deeper feelings of hurt, disempowerment, fear. I'm aware I'm still way too heady and taking myself WAY TOO SERIOUSLY!  Where are my grandchildren?  Let's laugh, play, giggle, and get silly!

Oh boy ... begin again

At 11:11 I thought, ah, I'm in alignment ... all is well. Then, as quickly, the alignment evaporated.  I told myself, vibeswitch first, later, feel the feelings. So I placed my attention on the loving supportive kind caring environment of ONA class. I allowed myself to be bathed in the soothing of the kindness ... and then, monkey mind returned and the internal conversation began: ... "what's so difficult for her to treat me with kindness and respect? ..." I allowed it to go on and on. Result: same old same old. Drained. Energy waste. Sadness. Stuck. Frustrated.

I must find my own kindness to self; be gentle with self. Begin again.

New Week

Today I bring guidance and levity to work, and awareness, awareness, awareness !!!  It's a new day with new understanding ...

Day 1 post

Beginning. To write is to commit. Emotions raw from allowing myself to be triggered so strongly, over and over again at work. "Boss issues." I have lost my ground. Feel shaken nearly all the time. After Monday's class, and listening to Claudia with her boss issues, and the feedback, finally, Tuesday and Wednesday were better days for me. I caught myself triggered nearly right away. Kept the first vibeswitch basic: I breathed deeply, and stood up and shook my body. Second time triggered, did same, then went to colleague for advise and support. Don't think that's a vibeswitch, but it helped. Today, day off. Relief. Staying diligent with paying attention to how I may get triggered in my personal life.